Mail Your Packages Early So

The Price Of Christmas Toys Is Outrageous - A Hundred Dollars, Two Hundred Dollars For Video Games For The Youngsters. I Remember A Christmas Years Ago When My Son Was A Kid. I Bought Him A Tank. It Was About A Hundred Dollars, A Lot Of Money In Those Days. It Was The Kind Of Tank You Could Actually Get Inside And Ride In. He Played In The Box It Came In. It Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson. Next Year He Got A Box. And I Got A Hundred Dollars' Worth Of Scotch.

Your Chances Of Getting Hit By Lighting Go Up If You Stand Under A Tree, Shake Your Fist At The Sky, And Say "storms Suck!!

I'm An Entertainer, Not A Commentator. If You're A Comedian Your Job Is To Make People Laugh.

There Was This Billy Goat At A Movie Studio Who Found And Ate A Can Of Film. When A Nanny Asked Him How He Liked It, He Said, "it Was All Right But I Liked The Book Better."

People Are Brought Up To Think, "it's Nice To Be Modest. It's Nice To Hide Your Light Under A Bushel." Well, Bullshit! I've Never Bought That. In My Business, The Only Thing You've Really Got Is Your Talent; It's The Only Thing You Have To Sell.