It's A Privilege To Pay

Nyquil Comes In Two Colors, Red And Green, And It's The Only Thing On The Planet That Tastes Like Red And Green.

I Don't Buy The 'at 60 It's Great To Have Kids' Thing. I Don't Buy The Line That Has Been Thrown Down - 'you Can Have A Kid At Any Time.' That Doesn't Mean You Should.

I'm Not A Great Joke Writer, Which Is Odd For A Comic To Say, But I'm Not.

I Had An Iphone And A Droid And Both Of Them Were Miserable Pieces Of Equipment.

The Last Person To Get Across That Town In Under Three Hours Was Yelling "the British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!"