I'm Not A Political Comedian.

Stand-up Is Probably The Most Solo Performance In Art.

If You Think Everything You've Done Is Great, You're Probably Dumb.

Most People Are Dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some Other Guys. But Mostly Those Two.

One Time, I Threw A Candy Wrapper On The Street. I Was With A Friend Who Said To Me, You Just Littered On The Street! Don't You Care About The Environment? And I Thought About It, And I Said, You Know What? This Isn't The Environment. This Is New York City. New York City Is Not The Environment. New York City Is A Giant Piece Of Litter. Next To Mexico City, It's The Shittiest Piece Of Litter In The World. Just A Pussy, Runny, Smokin', Stinkin' Piece Of Litter.

When I Take My Kids Out For Dinner Or Lunch, People Smile At Us.