When I Take My Kids

Most People Are Dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some Other Guys. But Mostly Those Two.

People Are Too Afraid Of Uptown. A Lot Of People Will Tell You, Like, "don't Go To Harlem. You Can Never Go There. 'cause As Soon As You Get There, They Kill You." That's What People Think. As Soon As You Arrive In Harlem, Someone Just Stabs You In The Face Right Away. That's People's Image Of Harlem: Just Everyone Standing Around Waiting For Lost White People To Kill All Day. "did You See Any? I Didn't Either."

One Time, I Threw A Candy Wrapper On The Street. I Was With A Friend Who Said To Me, You Just Littered On The Street! Don't You Care About The Environment? And I Thought About It, And I Said, You Know What? This Isn't The Environment. This Is New York City. New York City Is Not The Environment. New York City Is A Giant Piece Of Litter. Next To Mexico City, It's The Shittiest Piece Of Litter In The World. Just A Pussy, Runny, Smokin', Stinkin' Piece Of Litter.

Stand-up Is Probably The Most Solo Performance In Art.

If You Think Everything You've Done Is Great, You're Probably Dumb.