If You Think The Last

If Your Working Television Sits On Top Of Your Non-working Television, You Might Be A Redneck.

It's Not My Dreams That Get Me In Trouble, It's What My Wife Dreams I Did. My Wife Punched Me In The Middle Of The Night; I Woke Up And Went Oww! What Was That For?, And She Goes I Dreamt You Were Making Out With Faith Hill. I Said I Wasn't Dreaming Anything! Send Her Over To My Dreams, And We'll Both Be Happy.

We're A Heart Attack Away From Losing The Right To Bear Arms.

Being A Comedian, People Tell Me Stuff They Shouldn't Tell Their Therapist.

I Have Never Been Jealous. Not Even When My Dad Finished Fifth Grade A Year Before I Did.