If You Had A Friend

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time I Said That, I'd Be Making Money In A Very Weird Way.

I Want To Make A Vending Machine That Sells Vending Machines. It'd Have To Be Real Big.

I Like Wearing Necklaces, Because It Lets Me Know When I'm Upside Down.

Say, I Was On The Craig Kilbourne Show And The Next Day I Flew To Minneapolis. I Was At The Airport And A Guy Came Up. He Said, 'dude, I Saw You On Tv Last Night.' But He Did Not Say Whether Or Not He Thought I Was Good, He Just Confirmed That I Was On Television. So I Turned My Head Away From Him For About A Minute, Then I Turned It Back. I Said, 'dude, I Saw You At The Airport About A Minute Ago. And You Were Good.'

I Had A Velcro Wallet In A Casino. That Sound Annoyed The Hell Out Of Me. Whenever I Lost Money, And I Opened The Wallet, It Was Like The Sound Of My Addiction.