I Like Wearing Necklaces, Because

A Lollipop Is A Cross Between Hard Candy And Garbage.

My Girlfriend Works At Hooters. In The Kitchen.

If You Have To Release Bad News To The Public, It Would Help If You Are Not Ugly.

I Wish My Name Was Brian Because Maybe Sometimes People Would Misspell My Name And Call Me Brain. That's Like A Free Compliment And You Don't Even Gotta Be Smart To Notice It.

I Hate Turkeys. If You Stand In The Meat Section At The Grocery Store Long Enough, You Start To Get Mad At Turkeys. There's Turkey Ham, Turkey Bologna, Turkey Pastrami. Some One Needs To Tell The Turkey, 'man, Just Be Yourself.'