If Somebody Is Not On

When I Was At The University Of California At Berkeley, I Went To Some Classes That Must Have Had More Than Four Hundred Students In Them. I Almost Always Sat In The Far Back Of The Auditorium So I Could Read The Newspaper. I Remember That I Stayed Late One Day To Ask The Professor A Question, And When I Got Up To Him, All I Could Think To Myself Was, 'so This Is What The Professor Looks Like.

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.

It's Best To Love Your Family As You Would A Siberian Tiger-from A Distance, Preferably Separated By Bars.

Most Poetry Just Confounds Me. I Really Want To Like It, But I Can't Help Thinking It's A Hoax. (p. 24)

When You Can't Draw Chameleons And You Can't Draw Blenders, It's A Bad Idea To Write Strips Where Chameleons Become Blenders.