If I Don't Do Stand-up

Your Inability To See Yourself Clearly Is What's Keeping You Alive.

I Happen To Think That There Are Already Tons Of Perfectly Good Babies Out There Already Born.

I Don't Set Out To Offend Or Shock, But I Also Don't Do Anything To Avoid It.

Dear America, When You Tell Gay Americans That They Can't Serve Their Country Openly Or Marry The Person That They Love, You're Telling That To Kids Too. So Don't Be F**king Shocked And Wonder Where All These Bullies Are Coming From That Are Torturing Young Kids And Driving Them To Kill Themselves Because They're Different; They Learned It From Watching You.

I Was Minnie Mouse For Halloween, Every Year When I Was Little. Then, I Had The Cinderella Nightgown, When I Was Really Little, That I Begged My Mother To Wear To School. I Was Also Snow White A Lot.