I Want To Get A

I'm Trying To Teach My Girlfriend How To Surf. But I Just End Up Yelling At Her The Whole Time. Because I Don't Know How To Surf.

I Come Up With My Jokes By Thinking Of A Topic.

I'm Too Cynical To Be An Optimist.

Who Do You Think Was Smarter, Jesus Or Buddha? I Mean, Just In Terms Of Not Letting Themselves Get Crucified.

We Just Found Out My Little Brother Has A Peanut Allergy, Which Is Very Serious I Know. But Still I Feel Like My Parents Are Totally Overreacting - They Caught Me Eating A Tiny Little Bag Of Airline Peanuts And They Kicked Me Out Of His Funeral.