I'm Too Cynical To Be

God, That Anthony Jeselnik Show Sounds Really Funny.

When I Was Seven, I Broke My Leg Playing Soccer. Just To Feel Something.

I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid Someday. But, Obviously, I'd Prefer It To Be Aborted.

I Had A Happy Childhood In A Nice Suburban Area, Pretty Idyllic, Upper Middle Class And Very, Very White. My Dad Is An Attorney. My Mother Is A Housewife. They Had Five Kids In Seven Years: Me, My Brother, And Three Sisters. I'm The Oldest. We Were All Very Active. My Mother Was Exhausted.

What Do I Care If Someone Doesn't Like Me. If I Like Someone Other People Hate, It Makes Me Feel Special. I Think My Fans Feel That Way.