I Vote Democrat Because I'm

George Clooney Is On The Program Tonight. Next Week At This Time I Will Be In A Hardware Store Watching Them Mix Paint.

About Half An Hour Before Air Time - That's When I Become Hyper. I Put Everything Else Out Of My Mind And Just Let That Nervous Energy Surge Through My Body. I Start Talking Faster And Louder. My Confidence Comes Up. It's Actually A Great Feeling.

Tourists - Have Some Fun With New York's Hard-boiled Cabbies. When You Get To Your Destination, Say To Your Driver, "pay? I Was Hitchhiking."

John Kerry Spent The Day Reading To Preschoolers ... And The Kids Said Kerry Actually Lacked Warmth And Failed To Articulate A Clear Message.

President Bush Insisted That There Was Nothing In The August 6th, 2001 Briefing, Which Was Titled 'bin Laden Determined To Attack The United States', That Hinted What Bin Laden Was Up To. Bush Says That He Would Have Moved Mountains To Stop The Attack. Yeah, But He Draws The Line At Reading A Memo.