I’ve Had So Much Plastic

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Me On Stage Is Someone Ran Forward To Tell Me They Loved Me And Projectile Vomited All Over The Stage. It Was Horrible.

But You Do Have To Learn, If You Want To Be A Satirist, You Can't Be Part Of The Party. Meaning, You Can't Go Horseback Riding With Jackie O In Central Park If You're Going To Make A Joke About Her That Night.

The Only Way I Can Get A Man To Touch Me At This Age Is Plastic Surgery.

I Love The Way My Life Has Fallen Into Place.

Elizabeth Taylor Has More Chins Than The Chinese Telephone Directory.