I Used To Be A

I Have A Friend Who Is A Juggler. If I'm At His House, I Don't Like To Take Food From Him, If It's In Threes. He Has Three Apples Left, I Guess I Can't Have One. I Wouldn't Want To Screw Up His Practice Routine.

I Wish I Could Play Little League Now. I'd Be Way Better Than Before.

I Have A Roommate, And I Signed A Year Lease. I Screwed Up! That's Like I Wrote A Joke That Didn't Work, But Now I Have To Tell It For A Year.

Stand-up Is An Art But Since It's Humor And It's Funny - A Lot Of Guys That Don't Think It's Art Are Probably Coming From The Angle That They Don't Want To Take It So Seriously. I've Always Looked At It As An Art But I Don't Look At It As A Pretentious Art. I Understand It Has To Be Taken Lightly Because It Is Just Comedy In The End, But The Good Stand-up Comics Are Someone With Something To Say.

You Know Crazy Straws - They Go All Over The Place? These Straws Are Sane. They Never Lost Their Mind. They Say, "we're Going Straight To The Mouth. That Guy Who Takes A While To Get There? He's Crazy."