I Think That You're Always

With Iraq Plunging Into Chaos And Gas Prices At Record Highs President Bush Took Time Out This Weekend For A Ride On His Bicycle, But Unfortunately He Fell Off And Sustained Cuts To His Face And Hands. Apparently Bush Was Distracted By The Enormous Responsibilities Of The Presidency. I'm Just Kidding. He Hit Some Gravel Or Something.

Over Ten Thousand People Have Signed A Petition To Recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm Sorry, That Is Next Year's Joke.

Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge Lowered The Terror Alert From Orange To Yellow. Does Anybody Need 16 Miles Of Duct Tape?

New Rumors That Saddam Hussein Is Planning To Flee To A Castle In Libya With 10 Billion Dollars. Now President Bush Doesn't Know Whether To Nuke Him Or Give Him A Tax Cut.

Howard Dean Is Narrowing The Field Of Potential Running Mates. It's Down To Mike Tyson Or Bobby Knight.