I Spent The Whole Time

A Lot Of People Are Too Easily Offended. Religious People, For Instance. They've Been Offending Other People For Centuries.

I'd Always Been Scared Of People With Tertiary Education And High Intellects In Case They Found Me Wanting. I Thought They Viewed Me As Just A Welder Who Knew A Few Jokes.

Once You Become Successful, People Know Where You Live, The Type Of House You Live In, The Kind Of Car You Drive, The Clothes You Wear, And So It Would Be Patronising To Go And Talk Like A Welder. Welding's A Mystery To Me Now. You Can't Go Back, Your Life Changes Every Day.

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

I Think Comedy Is Difficult, And I'm Amazed So Many People Want To Do It. I'll Be Buying Jeans And Somebody Will Say, "i'm A Comedian" - The Guy Selling You The Jeans. The Desire To Be A Comedian Is Weird. I Found It Weird Myself To Want To Be One; I Was A Schoolboy When I Wanted To Be One But I Didn't Know How To Do It. That Was 50 Years Ago, So Times Have Changed Greatly. There Seems To Be A Long Line Of People Desperate To Do It And Most Of Them Are Quite Good.