I Once Fisted Two Babies

I'm Not An Hour Late. You Guys Were Just An Hour Early.

The Problem With Doing Commercials Is That The Only Thing Good Enough For Me To Sell Is Myself, And I Stopped Doing That Once I Kicked My Coke Habit.

Without Me, Scrubs Would Be Worse Than The Holocaust. But With Me In It, It's Turned Into The Lolocaust.

I'm Pretty Sure Africa Was Made Up By The Media To Scare People. I Mean, I've Never Seen It. Have You? I Didn't Think So.

I Always Wanted To Direct Movies. That's What I Set Out To Do. When I Was A Little Kid I Just Dreamed Of Making Movies, And I Went To Film School [at Northwestern University].