I Never Drink Water; That

Wouldn't It Be Terrible If I Quoted Some Reliable Statistics Which Prove That More People Are Driven Insane Through Religious Hysteria Than By Drinking Alcohol.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

Never Eat At A Place Called 'moms', But If The Only Other Place In Town Has A Sign That Says 'eats', Go Back To Moms.

All Things Considered, I'd Rather Be In Philadelphia

If Pigs Had Wings, They Would Be Pigeons.