I'm A Comic, So I

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

A Weekend In Vegas Without Gambling And Drinking Is Just Like Being A Born-again Christian.

Richard Lewis Has This Incredible Ability To Look Like He's Just... You Know It's An Act That's Been Honed. What You Have To Do In Standup Is Create Spontaneity, Somehow; Even Though You've Done This Act A Million Times, You Gotta Look Like You're Almost Just Thinking Of It Now, To Make It Entertainer.

It Is Funny Because The Guy Who Is My Boss Now, Howard Stern, Has A Similarity There. He Got Big Being A Regular Guy. He Wasn't The Greatest Looking Guy In The World

And Now It Looks Like I'm Probably Going To Shoot A Movie That I Wrote. I Got The Money To Do It, And I Would Star And All, Because Of Being On Howard.