I Like To Play Chess

I Give Money To Unicef Because I Like The 'bang For Your Buck' Aspect. Here's $10, Go And Save 1,000 Kids From Blindness!

I Got Some New Underwear The Other Day. Well, New To Me.

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.

I Go To Pick Up A Girl In A Bar. I Say Will You Go Home With Me? She Says I Don't Know, Do You Have Cable? I Say No, But The Rope Should Work Just Fine.

I Saw A Psychologist Once Because I Thought I Had Depression. It Cost Me $100. When I Left, I Realised That There's Nothing He Could Have Said That Would Cheer Me Up As Much As If I Found A $100 Bill On My Way Home.