Whatever Happened To The Good

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

The American Government Is Making Nuclear Weapons Like There's No Tomorrow.

I'm Totally Normal In Every Respect, But I Have This One Quirk - I Can't Give Out A Number Without Laughing. It's A Problem When I'm Giving My Credit Card Number Over The Phone Because They Always Think: 'he Must Have Just Stolen It.'

I Always Wanted A Beautiful Loving Wife And She Always Wanted To Be A Citizen.

I Think It's Good To Know More Than The Average Guy. If I'm In A Bar Now And Some Pretty Girl Is Talking To Some Handsome 24-year-old Man, I'll Say, "okay, Who's The Emperor After Caligula? What Chief Mistake Did Marcus Aurelius Make In Choosing A Successor?" He'll Just Look Like An Idiot. She'll Just Gravitate Toward Me, I'm Thinking. It Works In Detroit.