I Know It's Very Egocentric

It Was A Dangerous Profession I Had Chosen ... Because No One Likes A Funny Kid. In Fact, Adults Are Scared Silly Of Them And Tend To Warn Children Who Act Out That They Are Going To Wind Up In Prison Or Worse. It Is Only When You Grow Up That They Pay You Vast Sums Of Money To Make Them Laugh.

On The Whole I Woke Up In The Morning And Was Happy To Be Alive.

We Seem To Be Going Through A Period Of Nostalgia, And Everyone Seems To Think Yesterday Was Better Than Today. I Don't Think It Was, And I Would Advise You Not To Wait Ten Years Before Admitting Today Was Great. If You're Hung Up On Nostalgia, Pretend Today Is Yesterday And Just Go Out And Have One Hell Of A Time.

If President Nixon's Secretary, Rosemary Woods, Had Been Moses' Secretary, There Would Only Be Eight Commandments.

A Bad Liver Is To A Frenchman What A Nervous Breakdown Is To An American. Everyone Has Had One And Everyone Wants To Talk About It.