I Hope People'll Find Out

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."

You Have To Do Your First Penance Before Your First Holy Communion. You're Really Young. What Do You Know? You've Got Nothing To Confess. All I Knew Was That I Was An Evil Human Whose Sins Caused The Death Of Our Lord.

It's A Game. That's Why We Call It 'the News.' It's Just A Game.

Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

I Hadn't Intended To End Up There. I Meant To Be A Serious Actor With A Beard Who Wore A Lot Of Black And Wanted To Share His Misery With You.