I Have A Question. Do

Whoever Calls And Asks Me To Do Stuff And Obviously, With Having Your Own Tv Show, People Want You To Get Involved. They Know You're A Stand-up Comedian So They're Always Looking For Somebody Funny To Host An Event.

I'll Tell You What Can Make Bacon Better... Nothing.

You Should Never Be Mean To Other Girls. I Don't Care What Grade You're In. Be Nice To People Until You're My Age... And You Have Your Own Tv Show.

Every Time John Travolta Assaults A Masseur, A Scientologist Gets Their Wings.

Seeing Your Mother Naked Is Not Something You Easily Recover From. Seeing Your Mother Naked And Jumping From One Side Of A King-sized Bed To The Other With A Nurse's Hat On While Your Father, Who Is Also Naked, Is Chasing Her With A Bandanna Around His Neck, Is Reason To Put Yourself Up For Adoption.