I Have A Horrible Memory

I'm Thankful For The Three Ounce Ziploc Bag, So That I Have Somewhere To Put My Savings.

I Don't Like Sex ... I'm A Single Working Mom With Nine Cats, A Dog-shark, A Lizard, And A Bunny. I Don't Go To Bed, I Pass Out. The Idea That I'd Get To My Bed And There'd Be Someone In There With Whom I Was Supposed To Have An Activity Is Horrifying To Me.

I've Always Thought That If My Death Was Imminent, I Would Read. When I Can't Focus On A Book, I Tend To Keep Reading The Same Page. My Guess Is, I Would've Read, Like The First Page Of Nicholas Nickleby Over And Over Again.

I Was Court-ordered To Alcoholics Anonymous On Television. Pretty Much Blows The Hell Out Of The Second A, Wouldn't You Say?

When Every High School Graduate Can Spell The Word, 'inauguration,' Let's Put Lampshades On Our Heads And Listen To His Speeches Until Obama's Voice Gives Out.