I Had A Very Funny

I'm Not The Kind Of Person Who Digs Through Things Other People Have Thrown Away.

I Know That [mike] Tyson Talked About Wanting To Eat His Opponent's Children, But I Don't Think He Ever Had The Balls To Do It. I'm Different - When I Kidnapped Bill Lawrence's Daughter, I Cut Off All Of Her Fingers Before Sending My Demands So That I Wouldn't Have To Sit There And Wait For Him To Ignore Them. We Worked Things About About Nine Hours In, Which Is Good Because I Ate Her Thumb As A Midnight Snack.

They Say That Guys Who Like Chick Flicks Tend To Do A Little Better With The Ladies. Well, I Invented The Chick Flick, So You Can Pretty Much Guess Where That Leaves Me.

In My Opinion, One Of The Biggest Drawbacks About Sergio Leone Films Are The Scores Composed By Ennio Morricone. If [leone] Were As Talented As I Am, He Would Have Made Mixtapes For His Movies Instead Of Letting Some Schmuck Write The Soundtracks For Him. But Then If He Were As Talented As I Am, He'd Be Zach Braff. And Have His Own Grammy.

People Have Always Wondered What My Opinion On Stevie Wonder Is. I Say If He's So Great How Come He Can't See? I Mean, God Doesn't Make Mistakes, Just Look At Me For Example.