I Got Into Comedy So

I Found A Way For Her To Fall Asleep, Paris Hilton, Talk To Herself.

I Ain't Apologizing For Anything, Especially If It's A Joke.

When You Did Impressions On 'madtv,' The Producers Gave You A Walkman That Played Huge Sections Of Whatever Movie Was Being Parodied, With Your Character's Catchphrases Recorded On A Loop. You'd Wear This Thing Around During Rehearsals And For A Week Listen To The Voice You Had To Impersonate Over And Over Again. It Drove All Of Us Crazy.

For A Degenerate Like Me, Vegas Is Like A Walk Down Memory Lane. Last Time I Went To Vegas, I Went To My Old Coke Dealer's Kid's Bar Mitzvah.

I'm The Type Of Guy Where One Thing Leads To Another And Eventually It Gets Awful. If I Put A $5 Bet On A Roulette Table Tonight At 10 O'clock, By Tomorrow At Noon I Would Be Running Guns To Cuba.