I Get A Standing Ovation

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink. I Get Drunk. I Fall Down, No Problem.

This Is The Sixth Book I've Written, Which Isn't Bad For A Guy Who's Only Read Two.

When I Was A Boy The Dead Sea Was Only Sick.

When You Stop Giving And Offering Something To The Rest Of The World, It's Time To Turn Out The Lights.