When I Was A Boy

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

People Are Always Asking Me When I'm Going To Retire. Why Should I? I've Got It Two Ways - I'm Still Making Movies, And I'm A Senior Citizen, So I Can See Myself At Half Price.

I Drink Coffee With My Right Hand, And I Smoke With My Left. But I Talk With Both Hands.

When I'm In Front Of An Audience, All That Love And Vitality Sweeps Over Me And I Forget My Age.

There Are Many Ways To Die In Bed, But The Best Way Is Not Alone.