I Do Not Have A

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

My Stand-up Is More Like How I Am In Real Life. I Don't Really Do A Character Thing In Stand-up. It's Just A Bunch Of Sentences That Are Supposed To Be Funny.

We All Know How Funny Morrissey Is. Actually, You Know What? I Say That Sarcastically. His Songs Are Some Of The Funniest Songs I've Ever Heard In My Life. I Mean, Really. I Mean, Not That The "girlfriend In A Coma" Is, Like, Really Funny.

American Society Loves To Prop People Up And Then Take Them Down.

People Get Tv Deals By Doing Something In Their Grandmother's Basement. It Is Definitely The Wave. Everybody Is Trying To Do All That Stuff. I Mean, The Internet Is The Only Reason That I've Gotten Work Is Because I've Somehow Created A Line And People Have Seen It. And Then I've Been Asked To Auditions.