I Become A Chameleon For

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

Friend Of Mine Just Told Me He Used To Be A Bad Alcoholic. I Calmed Him Down. Told Him He Was A Good Alcoholic Just A Horrible Drinker.

Aristotle Said, Love Is Composed Of A Single Soul Inhabiting Two Bodies. Isn't That A Three-way?

My Dad Told Me If I Was Ever Intimidated By Anyone, Just Picture Them With Their Clothes Off. He Said That's How He Dealt With My Mom.

Saw A Man In Whole Foods Yelling At His Son, What Are You Doing?! You Know I Don't Eat Bread!! Is There Such A Thing As Health Food Abuse?