I Always Wear Boot Polish

When You Get Past Fifty, You Have To Decide Whether To Keep Your Face Or Your Figure. I Kept My Face.

My Heroines Are Always Virgins. They Never Go To Bed Without A Ring On Their Fingers; Not Until Page 118 At Least.

A Woman Should Say: 'have I Made Him Happy? Is He Satisfied? Does He Love Me More Than He Loved Me Before? Is He Likely To Go To Bed With Another Woman?' If He Does, Then It's The Wife's Fault Because She Is Not Trying To Make Him Happy.

The Reason Why Englishmen Are The Best Husbands In The World Is Because They Want To Be Faithful. A Frenchman Or An Italian Will Wake Up In The Morning And Wonder What Girl He Will Meet. An Englishman Wakes Up And Wonders What The Cricket Score Is.

The Great Majority Of People In England And America Are Modest, Decent And Pure-minded And The Amount Of Virgins In The World Today Is Stupendous.