Honesty Is Nothin' Compared To

A Jew Never Laughs Without Looking At His Wife For Approval.

A Person Who Speaks Good English In New York Sounds Like A Foreigner.

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

Comparing What The Democrats Offer To What The Republicans Offer Is Like Comparing The Money I Have In My Pocket To What Bill Gates Has In His.

I've Got A Friend Who Is Half-jewish And Half-italian. If He Can't Buy It Wholesale, He Steals It!