Everybody Knows We're Entitled To

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

As A Class, Jews Give Three Times As Much Money To Charity As Anybody Else, But They Feel Guilty About Their Wealth Anyway. They Simply Can't Accept The Idea Of Ever Being Republicans.

I Have Nothing But Love In My Heart And Everything I Say Is Just An Instrument For Laughs.

I Can't Predict The Future And I Don't Have Respect For People Who Try To.

People Make Fools Out Of Themselves In All Sorts Of Ways. No Particular Qualifications Or Particular Criteria Are Necessary.