First Of All, I'm Not

I Don''t Like This Reality Television, I Have To Be Honest;i Think Real People Should Not Be On Television; It''s For Special People Like Us, People Who Have Trained And Studied To Appear To Be Real

I Remember Learning To Drive On My Dad's Lap. Did You Guys Ever Do That? He'd Work The Brakes. I'd Work The Wheel. Then I Went To Take The Driver's Test And Sat On The Examiner's Lap. I Failed The Exam. But He Still Writes To Me. That's The Really Nice Part.

Was The Buddha Married? His Wife Would Say, "are You Just Going To Sit Around Like That All Day?"

Dr. Phil Is Hiding Something. Otherwise, Why Wouldn't He Use His Last Name?

I Met A New Girl At A Barbecue, Very Pretty, A Blond I Think. I Don't Know, Her Hair Was On Fire, And All She Talked About Was Herself. You Know These Kind Of Girls: 'i'm Hot. I'm On Fire. Me, Me, Me.' You Know. 'help Me, Put Me Out.' Come On, Could We Talk About Me Just A Little Bit?