Everything My Mother Made Had

If You Stop And Think About It, Nearly All Great Humor Is At The Expense Of Someone Or Something.

Eating Takes A Special Talent. Some People Are Much Better At It Than Others. In That Way, It Is Like Sex, And As With Sex, It's More Fun With Someone Who Really Likes It. I Can't Imagine Having A Lasting Friendship With Anyone Who Is Not Interested In Food.

As A Parent, I'd - I'd Be A Better Father.

Comedy Is An Amazing Calling. Once You Get That First Laugh, It's Hard To Turn Away. Then, Of Course, You're Hooked And You Have To Learn How To Survive In The Business.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.