Even When I Go To

When People Refer To 'back In The Day,' It Was A Wednesday. Just A Little Fun Fact For You.

Even When I Go To A Salad Bar, I Need To Feel Like I'm One Of The First People There.

I Want To Be Able To Challenge Myself. And Do Things That Are Away From What I Usually Do. Stand-up Is Safe For Me. I Can Do Stand-up In Front Of Twenty-five Thousand People, And I'm Like, "i Know How To Do This. This Is What I Do." I Want To Be A Little Scared.

I Had One Job That Was Kind Of Cop-like. One Summer I Did Security At A Miniature Golf Course. Just Standing Out In The Sun All Day, Hey, Hey, Excuse Me Sir. Get Your Putter Out Of The Whale's Ass. Come On, This Is A Place Of Miniature Business. This Is Not A Playground Even Though It Looks Like A Playground.

Teach Your Kids To Make Deplorable Choices And Hopefully They'll Rebel And Make The Right Ones.