Do You Remember That Kid

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

People Are Trying To Prove Things. And I Probably Have That. I Probably Do. Probably Guilty Of It, In A Way.

You Know You Have A Drinking Problem When The Bartender Knows Your Name -- And You've Never Been To That Bar Before.

I'm Not Cynical When It Comes To Things That Are Important. I'm Cynical About Pop Culture And All That Horseshit.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.