Reciting Lines Is Hard; Making

My Brother Has Add, Which Is Weird Because He Drives A Ford Focus. I Told My Brother That Joke But He Didn't Laugh Because He Got Distracted By My Shoe Strings.

Don't Boo People! Don't Boo! Be More Specific! Like, 'why Are You Doing That?! I Hate That! I Hate It!'

I Would Have Changed My Last Name If Being Famous Were My Goal.

I'm The Most Mellow Person Offstage. I Think It's Just, Going Onstage Lets Me Get Out Some Frustration That I'm Too Shy To Do In Real Life. Instead Of Doing It In Private, I'd Rather Do It In Front Of 1,000 People Who've Paid $25 To See Me Lose My Mind.

I Have Never Been Much Of A Groomer. I Take Baths A Lot, But I Don't Wear Deodorant. I Don't Have To. I Have A Miraculous Body Scent. I've Had Women Smell Me And Say That Should Be Bottled. I Would Advise Guys To Lay Off The Drakkar, Because The Cavemen Weren't Wearing It. They Might Have Been Putting Mint Leaves On Their Balls, But Your Scent Is Grown Naturally. I Have Really Good Dating Advice.