Coffee Is Like A Bra.

I Like Parties, But I Don't Like Piñatas Because The Pinata Promotes Violence Against Flamboyant Animals. Hey, There's A Donkey With Some Pizzazz. Let's Kick Its Ass.

I Still Like Paper Books. Like, Book Is A Flammable Object. After You Read It, You Could Use It To Get Warm. Or It Could Become A Pile Of Napkins.

It's Always Helpful To Remember That In The Grand Scheme Of Things You Are Much More Important Than... Um, Wait, Than... Something, Maybe.

I Like Video Games, But They're Really Violent. I'd Like To Play A Video Game Where You Help The People Who Were Shot In All The Other Games. It'd Be Called 'really Busy Hospital.

There's A Saying That Goes, 'people Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones.' Ok. How About, 'nobody Should Throw Stones'? That's Crappy Behavior. My Policy Is, 'no Stone Throwing Regardless Of Housing Situation.