Christmas Seems To Start Earlier

My Jokes Are In My Head And I Have A Duplicate Copy Of My Jokes In A Lot Of British Comics' Heads, Where They Are Safe.

My Ex-girlfriend Was Very Sexy. She Reminded Me Of The Sphinx Because She Was Very Mysterious And Eternal And Solid...and Her Nose Was Shot Off By French Soldiers.

If You Can Make Just One Person Laugh, Then You Are Already Doing Better Than Tony Danza.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.