Bacon Bits Are Like The

A Lot Of People Are Like, "you're Doing Commercials?" And I Honestly Feel Like Those Sierra Mist Commercials Are Better Than A Lot Of Sitcoms I Get Offered. It's Hard Work, And I'm Paid A Lot Of Money, And I Do It Because I Love The Soda.

Pie Can't Compete With Cake. Put Candles In A Cake, It's A Birthday Cake. Put Candles In A Pie, Someone's Drunk In The Kitchen.

Ironically, To My Children, Bedtime Is A Punishment That Violates Their Basic Rights As Human Beings.

I Just Want To Be Known As Funny.

I Do Want Everyone To Feel Comfortable. That's Why I'd Like To Talk To You About Jesus.