After I Got My First

I'm Glad That Life Isn't Like A Christmas Song, Because If My Friends And I Were Building A Snowman And It Suddenly Came Alive When We Put A Hat On It, I'd Probably Freak And Stab It To Death With An Icicle.

I Used To Believe In A "ms. Right", But Now I Know There Is Like 4 Million "ms. Rights" And It Is Just A Matter Of Which One You Meet First.

My Sense Of Style Is An Old Polo Shirt, Jeans And, Unfortunately For The Longest Time, White Running Shoes, Which Was Not Attractive. The One Thing I've Learned About Clothes Is To Ask A Girl.

Nine Times Out Of 10, Women Don't Want To Fix A Problem, They Just Want To Be Understood. I'll Never Get That.

To Be A Comedian, You Have To Have Some Darkness Behind It. I Certainly Draw On My Past, And It Helps.