A Lot Of The Teachings

You Can Never Find The Right Bowling Ball. This One's Too Heavy. This One's Good But Its Pink!

The Hardest Part Of The Day Is All The Stuff After I Open My Eyes In The Morning.

Most Single Guys I Know Think Fatherhood Is Terrifying.

What Was The Idea Behind Hot Pockets? Was There A Marketing Meeting Somewhere, 'hey I Got An Idea: How About We Take A Pop-tart And Fill It With Really Nasty Meat? You Could Cook It In A Sleeve Thing, And You Could Dunk It In The Toilet.'

I'm Not Saying That Mcdonald's Gift Certificates Caused The Obesity Epidemic, But In Retrospect, The Timing Is Kind Of Suspicious.