A Lot Of The Teachings

You Wanna Know How Good Bacon Is? To Improve Other Food, They Wrap It In Bacon.

Do You Ever Leave A Message For Somebody And The Answering Machine Cuts You Off, And You Have To Decide Whether You Should Not Call Back, Or Call Back And Appear Like A Stalker? "hi. It's Me Again. I Forgot To Tell You That I'm Going To Kill You. Because I'm The Freak Who Keeps Calling And Calling."

I Love How New York Is So Multicultural. I Wish I Was Ethnic, I'm Nothing. Because If You're Hispanic And You Get Angry, People Are Like, 'he's Got A Latin Temper!' If You're A White Guy And You Get Angry, People Are Like, 'that Guy's A Jerk.'

My Childhood Best Friend Is An Anesthesiologist. It's The Least Amount Of Human Interaction For A Doctor. I Don't Think You Can Get That Burned Out On It.

No One Goes Into Standup To Make Money. The Frustration And Rejection Are Just Too Much.