A Humorist Is A Person

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, But Take What They Can Get.

Conversation: The Slowest Form Of Human Communication.

[reviewing A Production Of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The Dogs Were Poorly Supported By The Cast.

If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Would Try To Make More Mistakes. I Would Relax. I Would Be Sillier Than I Have Been This Trip. I Know Of Very Few Things That I Would Take Seriously. I Would Be Less Hygienic. I Would Go More Places. I Would Climb More Mountains And Swim More Rivers. I Would Eat More Ice Cream And Less Spinach. I Would Have More Actual Troubles And Fewer Imaginary Troubles.

I Wish I Could Stand On A Busy Corner, Hat In Hand And Beg People To Throw Me All Their Wasted Hours. If All You Can See Is Your Shadow, You're Blocking Your Own Light. If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Would Perhaps Have More Actual Troubles But I'd Have Fewer Imaginary Ones.