You’re In Competition With Everyone.

Ah, Babies! They’re More Than Just Adorable Little Creatures On Whom You Can Blame Your Farts.

George Clooney Married Amal Alamuddin This Year. Amal Is A Human Rights Lawyer Who Worked On The Enron Case, Was An Advisor To Kofi Annan Regarding Syria, And Was Selected For A Three-person Commission Investigating Rules Of War Violation In The Gaza Strip. So Tonight, Her Husband Is Getting A Lifetime Achievement Award.

It's Like Being A Little Kid Again, Parading Around In A Nightgown Tucked Into Your Underpants, Believing It Looks Terrific.

A Recent Study Announced That 52 Per Cent Of All Teens Who Sign Virginity Pledges Recant Them Within Twelve Months. If I'm On My Game.

This Week, Penny Collector Gene Sukie Went To The Bank And Cashed In Ten Thousand Pounds Of Pennies He Had Collected Over 34 Years, Which Were Worth Over Fourteen Thousand Dollars. And, Of Course, I Was In Line Behind Him.