You Know You're Getting Fat

Comedy Is A Blood Sport. It Flays The Truth And Spurts Twisted Logic. In America, People Become Comics Because We Don't Have Bullfighting.

Laundry's Easier When You Live Alone. Fifteen Minutes Before A Date, Put 'em On, Dry 'em With A Hair Blower.

I Didn't Get A High School Diploma. I Really Didn't Have Much Of An Education, Which Left Me Open To Educating Myself Throughout My Life, Without The Limitations On Intellectual Curiosity A Formal Education Can Impose. I Followed What Interested Me.

I Personally Cannot Tell You How Many Times We Rescuers Put Our Names On Animals To Come To Us As Soon As They Are Eligible For Release, Only To Find They Have Been Senselessly Killed By Overzealous Pound Workers.

The Thing About Breaking Up When You Get Older, You Just Don't Have The Steam Anymore. "oh, That's It. I Can't Start Shaving My Legs Above The Knee Again."