You Know Who Does Have

I Learned Quickly That Trying To Force Country Folk To Love The Big City Is Like Telling Your Gay Cousin, "you Just Haven't Met The Right Girl Yet.

You Mostly Know That You Want To Be Funny, Know That You Have The Desire. It's Not Like People Who Grow Up Beautiful And Can Look In The Mirror And Be Like, I'm Beautiful! Funny Is More Of A Journey. And A Desperate Attempt.

The Topic Of Working Moms Is A Tap-dance Recital In A Minefield.

I Was Taken To An Examining Room Where A Big Butch Nurse Practitioner Came In And Asked Me If I Was Pregnant. “no Way!” Was I Sexually Active? “nope!” Had I Ever Been Molested? “well,” I Said, Trying To Make A Joke, “oprah Says The Only Answers To That Question Are ‘yes’ And ‘i Don’t Remember.’ ” I Laughed. We Were Having Fun. The Nurse Looked At Me, Concerned/annoyed.

I Still Want Oprah To Play My Best Friend. I Want To Spend Time With Oprah.