You Cannot Win In A

A Sense Of Humor Is Great - It Goes A Long, Long Way In A Marriage.

Not A Harvard-type Education, Just A Not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type Education.

My Goals Were Small. My Goal Was To Become A Big Enough Stand-up That I Wouldn't Have To Do Radio. I Could Sell Out A Club, Which Is Like 300 Seats. If I Got Big Enough, I Could Sell Before I Got There, And I Wouldn't Have To Get Up At 6 In The Morning To Do Radio. That Was Pretty Much The Dream. I Had No Idea I'd Be Playing Madison Square Garden Or Anything.

Men Lie The Most, Women Tell The Biggest Lies... A Man's Lie Is, "i'm At Tony House, I Was At Kenny House!" A Woman Lie Is Like, "it's Your Baby!"

People Are The Same Wherever You Go. And If They Weren't, They Wouldn't Laugh At The Same S**t.