You Can Take Any Line

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

It's No Laughing Matter Being A Republican In These Perilous Times. Anyone Can Be A Republican When The Stock Market Is Up, But When Stocks Are Selling For No More Than They're Worth, I Tell You, Being A Republican - It's A Sacrifice.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

There Are Three Types Of Men In The World. One Type Learns From Books. One Type Learns From Observations. And One Type Just Has To Urinate On The Electric Fence Himself.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.